He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
