Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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