They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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