She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
