Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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