His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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