dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
