He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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