I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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