You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
