After last night, I could never be a politician.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
