I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
