they need to just BURY HIM!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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