I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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