There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
