can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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