Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
