one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we're making bets on your personal life
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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