lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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