Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
