How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
