Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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