note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
