i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
