At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
