dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have aggressive nipples.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
