is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
