We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I love you.
Bad choice
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