chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
