Heybabeimwearingurpanties
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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