I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
