youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
