Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
