It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
