I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
