dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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