It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She announced her abortion via fbk
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
