Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Randomize
