I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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