Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
