Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She bit a glass in half.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
