She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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