i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
