if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
