Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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