so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
