He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
