So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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