he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
