He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
