party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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