WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
