I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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