I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
