There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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