I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
